What a Mess....pt. 1

.....And sometimes that doesn't mean the cute "forgive the mess my children are making memories kind of way." Sometimes life is like a really yucky mud puddle....it's really big and you just can't get around it, you have to woman up and go straight through it. Only you have this humongous gash on the bottom of your foot and your sandals broke so you have to rub the nasty gritty dirty mud right into that big ole wound. Yep. That's been my life over the last 6 months.

I've always had health issues. Always. It's never been anything life threatening just sort of a snowball of uncomfortable and stupid health issues. Over the last 6 months, 2 of those issues in particular have become a HUGE pain in my behind.

1. Endometriosis: (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries or the tissue lining your pelvis.

**After my daughter was born in 2012, I was diagnosed with mild endometriosis. It was uncomfortable but manageable. In 2015 my endometriosis had grown to be "moderate: which required a surgery and some new medication. No biggy right? WRONG!! About 6 months ago (less than a year after surgery) my endometriosis was back AND with a shiny new "severe" classification. The pain is the worst I've felt in my life...think child birth sans drugs and the blessing of a child...I literally spend whole weeks where I am all but glued to my recliner and a heating pad. Which only makes the pain tolerable enough to sleep. No bueno, y'all.

So, after whining a bit about what it is and how much it sucks  to have Endo, I'm journaling (because I don't expect anyone to read this whine fest) about the solution....and my fears. My OBGYN has decided that we have run the course of the options that allow me to remain "fertile," which is relative anyway since Endo causes infertility without some SERIOUS help, so it's time (April 10) to medically induce menopause.

Wait, What?! Yep, you heard exactly right. At 27 years old, I will be going through menopause. Night sweats, hot flashes and all. And that's not even the best part! After 90 days....she will be removing my uterus and at least 1 ovary. By the fall.....I will literally and forever no longer be able to have children. If you know me.....you know how big of a deal that is. I keep trying to weigh the benefits against the emptiness I can already feel inside my pelvis....

PROS:                                                                           Cons:
No More Pain                                                     No More Children
No More Periods                                             
No More Painful intercourse
No More Pain Days

If I am unable to have more children, what is my worth in the natural order of things? Yet, can my children sustain a life where mommy has more pain days than good days?